If you’re subjected to a sexual act against your will, this is classed as abuse. Sexually abusing someone is a crime, and you’re not to blame for any crimes someone else commits against you. Despite this, it’s common to feel guilt and shame, as well as to not dare or be able to talk about such abuse. Perhaps you too feel this way. However, talking about what’s happened can help you get the support you need to move on.
Sexual abuse is illegal and means that one or more people take the liberty of subjecting someone else to an abusive sexual act. Such abuse can be both psychological and physical, and anyone – women, men, transgender people and even children – can be subjected to it.
Rape is physical abuse, as is being forced to satisfy someone sexually in other ways. Even someone caressing or touching you in a way that you haven’t consented to is physical abuse. Psychological abuse can include sexist comments, someone talking to you in a sexual manner that you find uncomfortable, being forced to watch pornography or being forced to watch someone else perform a sexual act.
Sweden’s consent law, which came into force in 2018, means that you’re not allowed to have sex with someone unless they’ve said, or actively demonstrated, that they want to as well. It’s always up to you to decide whether you want to have sex and in what manner. Even if you initially agree to having sex, you also have the right to change your mind. You’re the one who decides over your own body and what’s okay for you. Sex should always be voluntary.
You can’t tell whether someone’s capable of committing sexual abuse. Most common is for your own partner to cross the line. This can also include threats and violence. You always have the right to say no to sex, even if you are married or in a relationship or have had sex before.
Any sexual act with a child under 15 is always illegal. Abuse can take place once or repeatedly, and the perpetrator often takes advantage of their position. Children and teenagers are often abused by a parent, a relative, a teacher or a neighbour who takes advantage of the child’s innocence. Some perpetrators also intentionally form a positive emotional connection with the child they later exploit, known as grooming. Other advantages that perpetrators utilize, regardless of your age, can be that you are physically weaker, intoxicated or sick, or have a disability or a disorder.
Sexual abuse causes great psychological damage. Such incidents can have a profound effect on your self-esteem, as well as diminish your self-respect and willingness to trust others.
Many people subjected to sexual abuse have feelings of guilt thinking that they didn’t say no clearly enough. If you feel this way, you may also blame yourself for the abuse you were subjected to. However, it’s not your fault. You don’t have to scream or fight back for it to be a crime.
When subjected to abuse, it’s not uncommon to react by becoming passive and physically paralyzed with fear. You may also react by wanting to comply with and accommodate your abuser to escape or mitigate the abuse. These are automatic defence mechanisms, the body’s way of protecting itself. Such reactions are also known as freeze and fawn.
You may also feel shame and disgust that the abuse happened and find it difficult to talk about it. You may feel alone and doubt whether it really happened. It’s common to suffer from worry, anxiety, low mood, stress, sleeping problems, anger and suicidal thoughts. For some people, these feelings may come soon after the abuse, whereas for others, they may take a long time. Regardless of your feelings or thoughts after the abuse, the perpetrator is always to blame – and you have the right to support and help.
People are affected to varying extents and have different ways of processing painful experiences. Telling someone close to you about what’s happened, and being believed, can make you feel less alone. Or you may need professional help for a shorter or longer period, in which case you can contact a counsellor or a psychologist.
Although sexual abuse can cause great pain and leave deep emotional scars, there are ways to move on. You can regain control over your life.
If you’ve been abused, or if you suspect that someone you know has been abused, you can contact a healthcare centre. If you need urgent help, you can contact an A&E department.
Social services usually have special teams that work with domestic abuse. How things work can vary between municipalities. Check your municipal website for information about the support available where you live.
If you feel threatened, you should contact the police or social services. If you suspect that a child is being abused, you should also contact social services.
If you’d like to remain anonymous or seek help by phone, you can contact the following organizations:
Kvinnofridslinjen.se (women’s helpline)
Stödlinjen för män (men’s helpline)
Stödlinjen för transpersoner (transgender helpline)
Storasyster (sexual violence helpline)
RFSL stödmottagning (LGBTQI support service)
Shelters and refuges for women and girls are also found throughout Sweden.
Call the police on 114 14 to report a crime. You can also visit a police station to file a report. If the situation is urgent, call 112.
Reviewed by: Karin Dahlborg Sjöö, social worker and registered psychotherapist.
Last edited 2024-02-26