Self-hatred and destructiveness

What is self-hatred?

If you live with self-hatred, you know what it’s like to live with an inner bully. A bully who constantly criticizes and judges and can make you feel worthless, ugly, mean or weird. This inner bully can also make you believe that people around you see you the same way. Although none of it is true, it can lead to anxiety, and you may have difficulty accepting yourself or your body.

This can be due to a number of reasons. Things that happened to you in the past or in your childhood, for instance, can make you believe that you’re less worthy than others.

How does self-hatred affect your life?

When feelings of self-hatred and anxiety become too overwhelming, there’s a risk that you’ll resort to destructive behaviours to cope with or numb these unpleasant feelings. You might harm yourself to lessen your anxiety or punish your body. You may feel that your body needs cleansing or purifying. Eating disorders and hazardous alcohol and drug use are other ways of coping with painful feelings or attacking your body.

Self-hatred and destructiveness can often make you withdraw from your surroundings. This may be a way for you to hide the fact that you’re not doing too well. It’s common to feel shame, which can make you feel even worse. You might believe that you don’t deserve to feel good about yourself, which in turn may make you stop caring about – or even avoid – things that would otherwise make you feel better. These can include, for example, eating, sleeping, being outside and socializing.

Can I get better?

At the time, all the negative thoughts you have about yourself can seem true. As though there’s no other way out than to continue punishing yourself. This is your brain playing tricks on you and it’s not true.

While harming yourself may lessen all the painful emotions for the moment, in the long run it’ll worsen your anxiety. Try to show yourself some compassion. You’re not alone, many other people struggle with the same feelings as you. Telling someone else who listens can lighten the load. Maybe you have someone close who you trust and can tell how you’re feeling.

Can it be treated?

If you can relate to this description of what it’s like to live with self-hatred and to self-harm, you can contact your healthcare centre, a psychiatric outpatient clinic or your occupational health service for help. If you’re under 18, you should also contact a healthcare centre first, although you can also contact child and youth psychiatric care (BUP).

Healthcare services will help you get to the root of the problem and find out what’s driving your self-hatred and how to deal with it. Talking therapy has been shown to help with self-harm. Being able to rule out other illnesses can also feel reassuring.

Reviewed by: Johan Bjureberg, registered psychologist, associate professor of clinical neuroscience at Karolinska Institutet.

Last edited 2024-01-15