Loneliness

What is loneliness?

We can become isolated for reasons beyond our control. We may fall seriously ill, whether physically or mentally, live in a rural area or lose loved ones through separation or death.

Social interaction and a sense of belonging are basic human needs. One or more people we hold close and whose company we enjoy. Even more superficial interaction can affect how lonely we feel. Not experiencing these things can lead to painful feelings of alienation, sadness and hopelessness, with an adverse effect on mental and physical wellbeing.

Different types of loneliness

Common to all definitions of involuntary loneliness is that you experience a difference in your actual and desired social interaction. It could be that you have a social, emotional or existential need that isn’t being met.

• Social loneliness is when you lack community, context and ties to people to whom you feel connected.
• Emotional loneliness is when you lack a life partner or close relationships with people you can be physically close to and confide in.
• Existential loneliness is described as a deeper form of loneliness where you lack someone with whom to share your innermost thoughts and feelings. You may feel that no one really listens to or understands you. A feeling of being alone in this world.

Feeling lonely

Since everyone experiences loneliness differently, it can be described in different ways. You may feel lonely even though you have other people around you. This feeling of loneliness can lead to other unpleasant feelings, such as shame, low mood, self-loathing and sadness. Not having friends, a life partner or family with whom to share your thoughts and feelings can leave life feeling meaningless.

If you’ve been lonely for a long time, you may start thinking that it’s down to you and how you are. You may even think there’s something wrong with you and that’s why you have no friends or a partner. If you feel like this, you may start withdrawing to protect yourself from difficult situations and renewed disappointment. It can develop into a vicious circle with thought patterns that are difficult to break.

Loneliness or depression – which is which?

Prolonged loneliness can leave you feeling easily irritated, restless or listless, and you may consider life hopeless. It’s also common for loneliness to disrupt our routines and make us less motivated to do things that make us feel good. These manifestations of loneliness are similar to the symptoms of depression, making the conditions easy to confuse. This can make it difficult for you to know which is which. Loneliness can lead to depression, and depression can lead to loneliness.

Causes of loneliness

Loneliness can arise for a variety of reasons, but there need not be a specific reason you feel lonely. There are, however, certain times in life when the risk of involuntary loneliness is higher.

Adolescents and young adults are more likely to report feeling lonely than middle-aged people, although the risk of loneliness generally increases with age. Getting older means that you and your friends are at greater risk of functional impairment, illness and lower energy levels, which can complicate social interaction. Or perhaps some friends have passed away.

Major events and traumas, such as losing a friend, a partner or a family member, or separating from a partner, increase the risk of loneliness. Even major life changes can lead to loneliness, such as your children moving out or you moving to another town. Retirement is also a risk factor for loneliness, as not going to work every day naturally means having fewer social interactions.

Living with mental or physical ill health increases the risk of feeling lonely. Loneliness is also more common among people with financial difficulties, as a lack of money can limit opportunities for activities and interactions with other people.

Many people fear rejection – you have the right to support

Talking about feeling lonely can be difficult. Many people suffer in silence. However, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling lonely. And even though you feel lonely at the moment, this doesn’t mean it always has to be this way.

Loneliness can be difficult to overcome. We often refrain from reaching out to others for fear of rejection. We may also have experience of rejection. In this case, seeking out social contexts, clubs and societies, and so on isn’t always easy. You may need to be especially kind to yourself to relieve the burden of loneliness. If changing your ingrained habits and daring to challenge yourself feels unfamiliar and difficult, you may need help, such as from a support line or a healthcare professional.

How can we help each other?

Regularly checking in on family and friends and showing an interest in their wellbeing can prevent loneliness among both those around us and ourselves. Because caring about those around us improves our own wellbeing. Saying hello and chatting to someone, even briefly in the queue at the local supermarket, can be more important than we realize, and having the courage to listen when someone else wants to talk can mean a great deal.

Reviewed by: Marie-Louise Söderberg, expert on loneliness issues, SPF Seniorerna (Swedish Association for Senior Citizens).

Last edited 2024-10-14