Emotions evoke emotions

Every emotion has a purpose

As humans, we have emotions all the time. Our emotions are natural reactions to situations and events. They can be felt in our bodies, manifest themselves in our thoughts and even be expressed in our impulsive actions, that is, how we act in the moment.

All of our emotions are there for a reason, and each emotion has a particular purpose. Our emotions want us to pay attention to something and act in various ways. When you feel scared, you want to escape to safety, for example. If you’re threatened, you may feel anger and want to attack to avoid danger, and if you lose someone or something that means a great deal to you, you’ll feel sad and perhaps want to withdraw because you need to grieve for your loss.

Sometimes, our emotions sound the alarm when there’s no need. In such cases, we may react in ways that aren’t helpful to us. Emotions aren’t good or bad, they’re simply what they are, and we can’t help how we feel. Problems arise when we act on our emotions in a way that doesn’t benefit us. In such cases, it can be a good idea to explore what’s going on inside us to understand why we feel the way we do.

Why do we need emotions?

Our emotions are like internal guides. They’re there to tell us something, and your emotions can give you signals about your needs. They can act as a strong driving force and motivate you to change something you need to change.

Historically, some emotions, such as anger and shame, have played an important role in helping us to survive. Reacting with anger to a dangerous situation in which our lives were threatened enabled us to defend ourselves, with the adrenaline helping us, for example, to run faster when we needed to escape. Feeling shame has been important in social contexts to help us recognize when we’ve acted inappropriately, which has helped us maintain a place in the group.

Signals from the body can be difficult to interpret

We can carry suppressed and undetected emotions, ones that we may not be aware of but that affect us.

Sometimes, our emotions can infiltrate our bodies, manifesting themselves as various symptoms, such as tense muscles, stomach ache and headache. You may not necessarily recognize these signals from your body, and you may not necessarily associate them with your emotions. Interpreting what’s happening in your body can be difficult and confusing, and the discord between what you feel and what it’s due to can cause anxiety.

Some people, such as those with autism or ADHD, have even greater difficulty detecting and interpreting what’s going on inside them and describing it to themselves and others. If you find it especially difficult to recognize and put into words your own and other people’s emotions, you may have alexithymia, also known as emotional blindness.

It may also be that you experience your emotions much more strongly than others. This can prove extremely overwhelming, and you may feel like you’re losing control of yourself.

Emotions evoke emotions

The emotion you first get, as an immediate reaction to whatever you encounter, can be referred to as your primary emotion. It sometimes passes so quickly that it’s barely noticeable. In reaction to that emotion, you may experience another emotion, which is secondary. For example, you may get scared, and then get angry because you got scared. Or become sad and then be ashamed of it. Both primary and secondary emotions are aroused in us all the time, but the secondary emotions aren’t always helpful. If, for example, you often react by getting angry when feeling sad, you may not get the support you need.

Environmental influences

Some of our emotional reactions may be learned or socially conditioned. Our experiences create a pattern for how we feel and react in different situations. Social expectations and norms also come into play. If you’ve grown up in a context where you weren’t allowed to be sad, you may have learned to lock that emotion away. Your sadness may then manifest itself as anger or shame instead.

If those around you often judge or comment on your emotional reactions, dismiss them or deem them unreasonable, you’re likely to feel ashamed and your wellbeing will suffer.

Trace the emotion

We don’t get to decide what we encounter in life. Nor can we control how we’ll feel about what we encounter. It might seem pointless to dwell on an emotion that we can’t influence or an emotion that’s unbearably strong. However, many people find that when they do this – stop to reflect and try to trace the emotion – it becomes easier to understand what’s important to them. It enables them to curb harmful impulses, making strong emotions less frightening.

You may want to start with emotions that feel manageable and aren’t too strong.

Make notes. If possible, try to note down what you’re feeling. See if you can just explore the emotion for a short while without judging it.

Can you feel anything in your body? Try to determine where you feel the emotion and how it actually feels. Perhaps your legs tingle, your shoulders tense, or your mind slows. If you don’t feel anything in particular, make a note of that.

What are your thoughts? Describe them, without judging or evaluating: “Now I had a thought about…”

Impulse control. What’s your initial impulse? If someone’s rude, your initial impulse might be to say, “What an idiot!” even if you don’t say it aloud.

Be compassionate to yourself. What would you say to a friend in the same situation?

What do you want and need? What’s important at this moment? Is there anything you can do to help yourself?

Stand by your side. Sometimes, we simply can’t change things. Remember this. See if it’s possible to let go, distract yourself or turn to someone for support.

Reviewed by: Axel Nordin, registered psychologist.

Last edited 2024-06-10