We feel anger for a reason, and just like with other emotions, anger can help us understand our needs. When you feel anger, it can be because, say, your or someone else’s rights are being violated, someone close to you is being threatened or someone is trying to harm you in some way.
Anger is essentially a survival instinct. You can feel anger if someone behaves badly towards you, if you feel threatened, if you think you or someone you care about has been treated unfairly or unjustly, or if you hurt yourself. You can be angry at the person who jumped the queue, at someone not listening to you, or even at the Lego brick you didn’t see and stepped on. Anger can also be a way of managing other feelings. You can react with anger when you’re really scared, worried or frustrated. Grief and sadness can be expressed as anger too. Anger can even be a sign that you’re extremely stressed or exhausted or that your mental wellbeing isn’t what it should be. Do your best to manage this emotion as it’s a guide to your own wellbeing and can reveal what’s important to you.
Anger can be felt physically in your body. Your heart may start beating faster, your muscles tense, your blood pressure rise, and your breathing become heavier. Your voice may sound more strained, and when you get angry, you may start shouting or your voice may start shaking. Thinking clearly can become difficult. If you feel threatened, you may become more aware of what’s going on around you.
When you feel anger, you can react by attacking. You may even react by becoming dismissive or wanting to avoid what’s making you angry. You may have a strong feeling that you’re right, and it may be difficult for you to see other people’s perspectives. You may get so angry that your impulse is to fight, or you may express your anger in the shape of hurtful comments or by responding to the person with whom you’re angry with silence.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling anger or getting angry about something. Anger can empower us, and this power can prove useful when we want to create change or achieve a goal. Nor can we help what we encounter or the feelings it evokes, we have no control over these things. Problems arise when we act in anger in ways that aren’t helpful to ourselves or those around us. Then our reactions can have negative consequences and create problems in our interpersonal relationships. In the worst case, we may make people around us feel unsafe.
If anger has caused you to react in a way that has an adverse effect on your wellbeing, or if you see that it has affected others, you may feel ashamed and guilty and regret your actions. When this happens, it can help to stop and reflect on why you got angry.
If, instead, you feel that you never get angry or that you’re afraid to show anger, this too can be difficult to reconcile. It can feel like people don’t really listen to you or consider your opinions. You may go around feeling on edge all the time. Your bottled-up anger may also express itself in other ways, perhaps by making you passive-aggressive, unusually quiet or withdrawn, such that those around you can sense something is wrong but aren’t sure what.
Reviewed by: Johan Bjureberg, registered psychologist, associate professor of clinical neuroscience at Karolinska Institutet
Last edited 2024-04-30